Lisa's spot, is without question, my all time favorite blog to read. She captivates the very thoughts that I am having in such a clear and concise work of pure art. The way her words flow (shit, while I'm biggin' her up, check out the mag ya'll. It's hot to death...no ma, REALLY!) helps me remember why writing is a passion. There is nothing more powerful than what a writer is able to do with his/her readers emotions. When I can be taken through an emotional journey of laughter to sadness to intrigue to anger to humility and back just by reading one, just one, post; I know that words are truly powerful. To possess the gift of crafting words together to create a masterpiece, is the epitome of divinity. Got me feel like I'm blessed by the words of the Holy Ghost...lol (Let me stop)
Anyway, I didn't mean to say so much. The point of bringing up Lisa's page was just make a reference to something that she posted on that I'd been thinking about for quite some time now. Bare with me as I try to link this together cohesively.
For as long as I can remember, I've been working. My mother never asked me for anything and always maintained that after God, education was at the top of the list. Since I found a certain sense of solace in the street life, many thought that I would end up in the streets. People did not bite their tongues when it came to letting me know that they didn't believe that I would ever be successful. But I had my mother and a band of crazy ladies that knew that we were something special.
So, I began working as a way to alleviate some of the expense that my mom would have to incur while trying to raise three growing kids. I decided that I would learn how to be self sufficient so that she wouldn't have to continue to struggle to take care of me. I would go to Massachusetts in the summer and hustle cash. I was taking home $1,000 checks weekly. So naturally, I needed to continue to make more.
During that time, I lost contact with the friends I grew up with in the city. Since I was away so much, it felt as though I'd left them. And the fact that I was caking didn't really sit well with them. I guess it's the crabs in the bucket theory. But I was becoming weary. Working crazy hours and banking all my money was keeping me from having a social life. My relationship was flowing weirdly because my then boyfriend went from being a daily in my life, to becoming a long distance fixture. Then, he got caught up in some gang business, dropped out of High School, and his mother decided that he needed to do some time in Trinidad. So, I did my thing and we communicated via phone and letters. But I became too tired to be able to give him the support that he needed. And...Things were a little more complicated than that, but I don't really want to get into it. The point is that work became my life.
To quote Lisa
We exist, but we don't live. We look endlessly; measure the depth, width and breadth of a thing...and never leap. We don't take nearly enough chances.
I can't begin to say what I've done with all the money that I've made. I can say that I have not lived though. I've been so hell bent on doing things by the book and not taking chances, that life has passed me by. I've neglected the things that I live for like love and companionship, in exchange for a life of loneliness and constant work. And that's not what life is all about. It really isn't.
"He's in it for the munties, M-O-N-E-Y/But you can't take it witcha when you die, Selassie high"
Method Man & Capleton- Wings of the Morning
The reality is that we can't take it with us when we die. But what you can take are all the memories of a life lived to the fullest. I don't have kids. I'm not in a relationship. I have very few bills- even less ideas about what I want from this life. But I know that I need to take some chances.
I tend to be something of an introvert around groups of people. I'm the one to resort back to the room when too many people are around. So I'm making a change. And I'm so surprised by how excited I was yesterday when I finally booked my hotel room for Chi- Town in July. Now granted, I was upset because I couldn't get my space in the Millennium. LOL..But I'll make up for the money not spent on that at the BAR. Ak lak yoo know.
I made decisions to live life and love everything that it has to offer me. Got mad trips planned and mad people to meet and just so much to do. I have a heart to open up to prospects of relationships (can't believe I said that out loud). I have hella chances to take and hopefully a long life ahead.
I don't believe that our life on earth is supposed to be for us to work ourselves to death. If we don't fully enjoy the things that are here now, then our lives will have been nothing more than that of...
Every living thing on this earth serves a purpose. What's yours? I'll tell you this much, mine is not to work and die from the stress and fatigue.