It’s funny how one can get caught into the whirlwinds of life. One chance interaction- for even a small amount of time can send you tail spinning into a semi-charmed kind of life. It can be euphoric, overwhelming, and mysterious at the same time.
I’m getting too fragile for chance interactions. I’m growing weary of dealing with the afterthoughts and ramifications of being in the right place at the wrong time. I’m just kinda tired of it. I’m tired of having to be dissected and only being able to give portions of myself to others. At one time, the pieces used to boomerang back together, but now – they leave and the return is uncertain.
I’m growing resentful of my capacity to love so wholeheartedly – even when the feeling is not reciprocated. I hear the loose bolts and feel the bumps and knockings that exist within. The pain has become strikingly visible to others as I labor to move without pain. The joke of having a baby face has now become the concern of the frown lines and bags that indicate sleeplessness.
The weight remains while the appetite has disappeared. In place of solid food, a liquid diet. Oh, my soul cries out “Bring back the days of yea and nay
When we could plainly see the way -Then it was up to us to choose
Whether to win or to lose -Bring back the times when we could see
What it was we were to be -Caught in the midst of complexity
We search for yea and nay”
I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts, but with one hand firmly grasping the safety net above. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
Anyone, given an opportunity to get lost in their thoughts will eventually drown in them if they don’t find a way to climb out of the deep end. Nights have become unbearable – and days offer their own set of stressors. I have to find a way to break through this…