When I think about my current blog, I realize that I’ve taken situations happening in life at large relating specifically to me, and made them topics of (non) conversation. For the most part, my blog has been a place for me to express myself and store my thoughts. If you’ve read it, you’ve learned little to nothing about who I am – as I am truly far more complex than I let on to in my writing. But what you may have gotten is some information about humanity on a whole that might be applicable even in your own lives.
At the end of 2009, I began to rewrite a 100 Things About Me list. I found it to be one of the most difficult things I ever did – as my heart was really heavy. As of today, it’s still not done. Today’s is a personal blog. Maybe someone will read and respond – maybe not!
I am tailspinning. I’m spiraling downward and I believe that I could breakdown at any point. I’ve carried secrets, burdens, and weights on my heart for too long. I’ve been the consoler, the shoulder, the ear, and anything else I’ve had to be. But my friends have proved incapable of reciprocating at the same level that I have. I don’t blame them though. In hindsight, you choose how you interact with people. One can never be upset by someone’s inability to be something that they are not.
I need a new circle. I need a circle. For now, it can be one that interacts in a totally superficial way – that I meet after work for laughs, sighs, and company. I need a group of folk that are worthy of knowing the true me; that are childless, educated, professional, single (ie unmarried), possibly implants to the DC area.
Its been many years since I’ve been living in this place – and it’s becoming strikingly clear that its going to be home. With that said, it’s becoming painfully lonely to still not know anyone living there. While I love my travel, it’s starting to beat down on me again. I’ve been doing it for a purpose – but what happens when that purpose no longer exists? What happens when your purpose is a person? What happens when you are doing things for friends or lovers who are coming and going? When the smoke clears, what’s left ashen, is you.
So, I need to begin to make home my home. Life is rapidly changing around me! It seems as though it’s about time for me to roll with the changes.
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