NAI'

My President Is Black - In Fact, He's Half White!

A few weeks ago, I had all plans of leaving town for Inauguration week(end). I just knew that it would be so chaotic and I didn’t want to get caught up in it. Sometimes, I have to shake my head at people who think it’s cool to pass judgment on others because they choose not to be as emotional as one would expect them to be. Many times, they inaccurately assume that the lack of reaction is due to ignorance. They don’t stop to think that some people really just aren’t into the pomp and circumstance of it all – but, that’s just a sidebar.

My cousin Andrew called and told me that he and the fam would be in my neck of the woods during inauguration and that we should stay in town – so that changed everything. Still, I had no intentions of going out and dealing with the madness outside. But, something happened!

My uncle called me up and told me that he had tickets for me to go to the We Are One concert. It was my understanding that this was a free, ticketless concert. So, I wondered whether he was pulling another one of his stunts. But, I still did as I was told and got dressed. I put on my warmest clothes and a hat and I got ready to brave the weather. Long story short – we got seats at the concert somewhere close to the front and we had a blast. The energy of the people, the sight of a million hands moving in one fluid pattern to the song “Shout” just made me want to cry. I watched the love and I felt it. The exhilaration of it all made me finally realize just what I was in the middle of. I knew then, that I had to at least be outside on the actual Inauguration day.

Between, nightly Love the Club parties, the Jay Z concert, this club and that, I had a BALL. On the day of the concert, I was tired. Unfortunately, I had an emergency situation that was taken care of relatively quickly. It jump started the day for us all. Eventually, 4 of us made it out the house and into the streets. The commute there was longer than I’d anticipated, but we made it. We were welcomed by crowds of people (I knew then that I should not have given up my spot at the Newseum). But again, the people were calm, cool, and collected. Many had no clue where they needed to be (we were in the notorious purple group). A bus blocked passage to the other side of the street. It was pure chaos. After maneuvering for quite some time, we made a collective decision to head back to the crib and watch via television. I’ll be honest – I slept through most of the ceremony. I was awake for the swearing in and I heard Aretha sing. I still haven’t heard this poem that people speak so terribly about.

I’m not like most people who think that the color of someone’s skin will change the crisis that we face today. I voted for Barack because I thought he was the best candidate. Now, I want him to be the best. I don’t care about his color or his love for his wife and kids. I just know that everyday I look into the faces of little ones, I hope that we can get this thing together so that they won’t struggle like many of us are and will.

Last week, it felt so great to be living in DC. If you missed it, you really really missed it.

You Ain't Ghetto

I almost fainted the other day when I realized that, after all these years of thinking it, "I aint e'en ghetto". Can you believe the remarkable shock that must have gone through my body? All this time, I've been out here waving my rag and talking that "hood tawk". What's worse is how I even got to recognize that I wasn't ghetto. It was such a shock to me that I decided that I needed to share it with you (please keep in mind that, because of long years of being hood, it's going to be hard for me to avoid the hood tawk):

I was talking to one of my for real hood friends one day when she started to tell me about eating sugar sandwiches. Now, I've eaten lettuce and mayo on bread, but I ain't neva had no sugar sandwich. I mean, how broke do you have to be to eat one of those? Then another friend of mine was telling me about living in a place where the roaches would fall into your pot after the cover was taken off and the steam rose to the ceiling. Come on now! You gotta be kidding me. Now, I have my own hood stories - of buying foodstamps with cash and using the foodstamps to buy chinese food. I even have stories about being mandated to see a counselor in our afterschool program. 

People who drank sugar water or that had water in their dry cereal, make me laugh as well. Or even people who washed styrofoam plates and cups. I guess maybe, there are levels of ghetto. It's been so long for me that I can't even remember half the things we did. But, I do know that the ghetto that I came from and the ghetto that some of the people I meet come from, is a very different place. When I get to know those folk they help me realize that "I aint hardly ghetto". 

Children Need To Play

Sometimes, I act like a child. I guess it’s my way of remaining young. Growing up, we played many games. I guess that’s why I was always so skinny. Between, hopscotch, basketball, and tag, we always remained active. Today, children don’t even know how to play.

I still remember an interaction between myself and one of my students sometime last year. Generally, when we went out for recess, the students would ask if they could bring out a basketball, dodgeball, or football. I banned football because of the rough nature and fights that broke out because of the game. Then, I banned dodgeball because of the number of incident reports I had to write. Basketball was almost banned, but I decided to just referee it so that the students would have at least one game that wasn’t banned.  But one day I brought the kids outside with no balls. As soon as we got outside, a boy ran up to me and asked if he could go inside and get a ball. I let him know that the students would have to find a way to entertain themselves without a ball. The sad thing is that they had no clue what to do.

It just reminded me about how different our society is today. While we grew up playing outside as well as playing videogames, children today basically play videogames indoors.  They don’t know the first thing about just running around outside and playing. So, I taught them how to play steal the bacon and a few other games that I learned as a child.

Parents and adults in general, need to take the time to make sure that kids get back to playing. Part of this obesity issue comes from an obvious lack of movement. Children’s inability to “just play” helps to further explain children’s consistent cries of boredom.

If you have a child, work on bringing back the days when children just played. Bring back the days when the imagination ruled the lives of children. When that happens, I think we’ll finally begin to move in the direction of children who are more apt to think independently and dream vividly.

The Exchange of Power

I once worked as a Junior Development person for a Non-profit organization. Part of my function there was to Event Plan. Perhaps, the last event that I worked on before I left, was one aimed at getting, then, Senator Obama to come to one of our functions. Truly, he was the function – but, whatever. Anyhow, to do this, I had to pretty much become a stalker. But what’s interesting is not how I stalked, but who I stalked. I had the (dis)pleasure of tracking the movements of Michele Obama. See, at that time, she was really where the money was. She was the breadwinner of the household and the decider of most things having to do with Senator Obama. Now, she gets to play the role of First Wife?

 As I was thinking about that scenario, I started to think about the conflicts that must occur between women and men when shifts in power happen so suddenly. How does a woman deal with that?

 For many years, I’ve lived my life knowing that I can’t depend on a man to do it for me. And to tell you the truth, I’ve never wanted a man to pay all my bills. I happen to like making money and being able to call the shots for myself. But like Kanye said, “all my independent chicks – trade it in for a husband and some kids…”that’s truly how some women feel. There are times when I think I would be willing to – but that’s only if the stakes weren’t too high? Let me break down what I mean.

 Mrs. Obama graduated at the top of her class and was making a great deal of money. I can only imagine that she is probably a very highly motivated woman who likes the power of being a provider. What’s more interesting about it all though – was her ability to be a mother that was very much in the lives of her children. But, then again, as the sole supporter of the family at one point in time, perhaps Mr. Obama took care of the household stuff. Who knows? Who cares?

 The question I have is this, is it easy for a woman who is used to being the breadwinner of her family, to take a role behind her man without there being some sort of issue? There has been much talk about the First Lady getting paid. I don’t think that’s a crazy idea – especially understanding the background of Mrs. Obama. She’s not coming from being a trophy wife somewhere. What she’s used to is getting out there and making money.

 I would be interested to know how my fellow “independent” chicks think they would approach a situation like the Obama’s. Granted, I know that there is probably nothing better than being the President of the U.S. But, if you were head of the finances, and decision making in your home and it suddenly switched, would you be willing to just give that all up and wear a different hat?

Just ask me!

You don’t know me! And if you’ve never met me, you really don’t know me. If you have already formulated an opinion of me based on whatever fabrication someone has fed you, then you really don’t need to get to know me. Trust me, the a-hole I am has been a long time coming. Like many people say but don’t really mean – if you want to get to know me, ask me. I don’t need to lie to you. There really is no purpose. At the end of the day, your opinion of me has very little baring on my life.

 

I’m black, white, and gray! That’s right. I’m a liberal conservative. I’m judgmentally carefree. At the end of the day, I do me and I sure hope that you do you. I’m masculinely feminine. I’m a fun loving bore. I’m a kind jerk. I’m complexly simple. I’m an honest liar. I will lie to protect the innocent but I will tell you the truth if it really doesn’t matter. I don’t really play favorites. I dislike everyone almost equally. I heart black people but I hate black people. I hate white people but I like white people. I hate that I love people.  If I like you, I like you. If I don’t like you, I don’t like you. I care so much but I could really care less. I’m not unique, but I am. If you don’t like me, you probably don’t like yourself. If you like me, you probably don’t like yourself. You can’t just put me in your pocket. I’m just not that person!

 

I don’t know you. I don’t know how you think, how you feel, how you act, or even why you act that way. I don’t know who you sleep with, why you sleep with them, or what your favorite position is. I don’t know where you live, why you live there, or how you’re living. And, I don’t care! At the end of the day, I want you to live your life and enjoy it. I need you to understand that the things you do don’t affect me so, feel free to live yours.

 

Someone once called me judgmental. Unfortunately, she got it wrong. While I might have an opinion on something, I never judge people. I’m not perfect. I do things that I don’t even agree with. I am entitled to comment in the privacy of my space about something. That doesn’t mean that I am judging them. If I were to write a list of things that I don’t agree with – that I abhor even, then my friends and I would all be on the list. If I was that judgmental, my friends wouldn’t look the way they do or be who they are. If you are a man who sleeps with me sometimes but loves women – do you. If you are a woman that sleeps with women that loves men – do you. If you are a religious fanatic who engages daily or often in pre-marital sex – do you. If you are a chick who finds sex through ads online – do you. If you are a adamant Jesus hater that calls on God once in a while – do you. If you are a husband who sometimes cheats on his wife – do you. If you are a wife who sometimes cheats on your husband – do you. If you are a vegan who eats meat sometimes – do you. If you are a lesbian who wants to have a baby the way other women have babies – do you. If you are a male chauvinist that loves a woman to dominate you in the bed – do you. Pick your poison! Just know that, at the end of the day, the things that people see on the outside, or the things that people tell you about others, may simply be their perception. And those things that you see on the outside cannot begin to define who that individual really is.

 

can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots dont fit

The kind of guy that I’m attracted to has always been a source of humor for my friends and me. It has gotten so ridiculous that they will see someone on the train or on the street, snap a shot, and send to me with a note attached –“…saw a guy that I thought you would find cute so I took a picture.” Then when I look at the picture, they guy would look very obviously feminine.

 

See, the problem is this; I’ve always liked eclectic looking men. For many of my friends, that just adds up to, I like gay guys. That, I can say emphatically, is not a true statement. The statement that I like rail thin guys is a fact. The statement that I like very tall guys is also a fact. The statement, I like men that might not appear to be the manliest, is also a fact. But statement that I like gay guys is absolutely false. We always use Leon (the actor) as an example. I think he is sooooooooooooooo sexy. I especially loved him in the Temptations movie. To me, he wasn’t really manly acting, but he had a sex appeal that I found to be incredible. Anyhow, this isn’t a post about my type of man – it’s about men’s dress.

 

Androgyny seems to be the new in thing and it’s really not cool. I remember walking down the street one day when I saw a store with very brightly colored apparel. To boot, the male and female mannequins appeared to be wearing the very same clothes. Now, when I was in college, my girls and I would go to H & M and buy clothes from the men’s section there. We would just find the extra small shirts and sweaters. No one would be able to tell that we were wearing men’s clothes. But, never did we expect to see men going into the women’s section to purchase clothes for themselves. That takes me back to this American Apparel store. I figured that I was just seeing things – that perhaps, their men’s clothes just looked very similar to their women’s clothes. But, I was wrong. It is a unisex store. WHATDAF…(I gotta keep my writing clean these days folk!) What’s worse is that people shop in there all the time like there’s no problem.

 

Just in the blink of an eye, men who would never wear a tight shirt for fear of looking like a homo, are now wearing skinny jeans. What’s worse is that they are wearing them under their butts. And that’s because????????? It makes you look less gay? I’m still curious about that one. While I don’t personally have a problem with men in skinny jeans, (not the fools that wear them under their butts) I do question the implications of this. To say that the acceptance of this style of dress does not imply that

America

is becoming more accepting of androgyny would be a total fabrication. People that Americans once questioned, like Boy George, can now be seen walking around on the street as regular occurrences. No matter how many gold chains you put on, straight men, you have to admit that you do look a little queerish.

 

And for a girl like me, it’s okay. What bothers me about all of this though is that this whole style has single-handedly proved that men are nothing but sheep when it comes to fashion. We always knew that this was the case with women, but for a man to trade in ALL his baggy jeans for skinny ones tells me that if the new fad was men in skirts, you’d do it too. And that’s kinda scary.

Why Care if only You Care?

I think I’ve grown to hate blogging about friends and friendships – seriously. But, I must say that last year, one of the best things that ever happened to me was the acquisition of someone that I now consider to be a dear friend. And when I say that she’s a friend, I mean that she encapsulates ALL of the criteria necessary. She didn’t just sneak in and she wasn’t grandfathered in – she’s bonified (like Popeye’s). I know that I can tell her ANYTHING! And I know she knows she can do the same with me. There is no judgment from either side. There is advice that is given. Take it if you want to, leave it if you don’t! So, I’m dedicating this post to her for the advice that she gave me – trust me, I took it:

 

Take a minute to sit down and think about the people that you call your friends. Even more drastically, list them on paper with enough space to jot down notes about them. When you’ve completed that task, write your own name down. Be as honest as you possibly can and begin to write down ALL the things you are definitely not opposed to doing as a friend. Don’t write “talk to my friends at any hour” if you don’t really mean it. We all have our limitations as friends and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After you’ve completed that, list all the requirements that you would ideally want someone that you call your friend to encapsulate. Again, don’t base it on what your friends are like right now, base it on how you would want them to ideally be. Now, go down your list and jot down the characteristics that each one of your friends encapsulates. Then look at what your expectations for your friends are. Then, you determine whether or not this person that you call your friend, is really a friend at all.

 

The charge against me was simply this, “You are a friend to them, but some of your friends are not friends to you. They are only friends when it is convenient for them.” I ask you now, are your friends friends to you always or are they friends when it’s convenient for them? As a friend, one of the things that I can say that I will do for a fact, is talk to you at ANY time as long as I am not jeopardizing my life or career. I have had many a friend that would call me at some ungodly hour of the night because of something that they considered to be major – and I’m there. I’m there because I’d rather you be talking to someone than doing something that might be unhealthy or harmful for you. But, I’ve found that if I called those very same “friends” at the hours that they’ve called me, they’ll say that they aren’t available. That’s just one scenario.

 

I can’t tell you what to do about your friends, nor do I care to. What I can say is that for this New Year, think honestly about how to move forward in your life in the most healthy way you can. Don’t harbor your cancerous “friends” if they only eat away at you. Sometimes, it is truly better to be alone than to be in the company of people who don’t help to edify you. If you believe in New Years resolutions, then resolve to work on eliminating dead weight. Whether you decide to put them at bay or whether you just decide to cut them off completely – do what you gotta do!

 

And truly, less friends really really equates to more happiness often. As the years pass by, my list has become shorter and shorter. And, I now know that it’s for the better. I can’t be a friend to friends that are only there for me part time. I don’t have the time to care about them when I need to be caring about me.