Why Care if only You Care?

I think I’ve grown to hate blogging about friends and friendships – seriously. But, I must say that last year, one of the best things that ever happened to me was the acquisition of someone that I now consider to be a dear friend. And when I say that she’s a friend, I mean that she encapsulates ALL of the criteria necessary. She didn’t just sneak in and she wasn’t grandfathered in – she’s bonified (like Popeye’s). I know that I can tell her ANYTHING! And I know she knows she can do the same with me. There is no judgment from either side. There is advice that is given. Take it if you want to, leave it if you don’t! So, I’m dedicating this post to her for the advice that she gave me – trust me, I took it:

 

Take a minute to sit down and think about the people that you call your friends. Even more drastically, list them on paper with enough space to jot down notes about them. When you’ve completed that task, write your own name down. Be as honest as you possibly can and begin to write down ALL the things you are definitely not opposed to doing as a friend. Don’t write “talk to my friends at any hour” if you don’t really mean it. We all have our limitations as friends and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After you’ve completed that, list all the requirements that you would ideally want someone that you call your friend to encapsulate. Again, don’t base it on what your friends are like right now, base it on how you would want them to ideally be. Now, go down your list and jot down the characteristics that each one of your friends encapsulates. Then look at what your expectations for your friends are. Then, you determine whether or not this person that you call your friend, is really a friend at all.

 

The charge against me was simply this, “You are a friend to them, but some of your friends are not friends to you. They are only friends when it is convenient for them.” I ask you now, are your friends friends to you always or are they friends when it’s convenient for them? As a friend, one of the things that I can say that I will do for a fact, is talk to you at ANY time as long as I am not jeopardizing my life or career. I have had many a friend that would call me at some ungodly hour of the night because of something that they considered to be major – and I’m there. I’m there because I’d rather you be talking to someone than doing something that might be unhealthy or harmful for you. But, I’ve found that if I called those very same “friends” at the hours that they’ve called me, they’ll say that they aren’t available. That’s just one scenario.

 

I can’t tell you what to do about your friends, nor do I care to. What I can say is that for this New Year, think honestly about how to move forward in your life in the most healthy way you can. Don’t harbor your cancerous “friends” if they only eat away at you. Sometimes, it is truly better to be alone than to be in the company of people who don’t help to edify you. If you believe in New Years resolutions, then resolve to work on eliminating dead weight. Whether you decide to put them at bay or whether you just decide to cut them off completely – do what you gotta do!

 

And truly, less friends really really equates to more happiness often. As the years pass by, my list has become shorter and shorter. And, I now know that it’s for the better. I can’t be a friend to friends that are only there for me part time. I don’t have the time to care about them when I need to be caring about me.

 

Comments

[Lise]

If the only reason you care in the first place is if that person cares, then it doesn't sound too much like a friendship to me. It IS ok to have limitations. However, it is also Ok for you to care more (or less) than someone else. It's ok to have friends that you can count on for anything and friends that you can count on for nothing. Friendship isn't one of those what can YOU do for ME things. Sometimes the person who can do more just does more, within reason of course. Real friends may need a break from time to time, but they don't tally who called who last or who spent what last.

Anyway, the only thing you need to do, since it's your goal to be more christlike, or whatever is follow the rules that god does in your friendship. Phillppians 4:13 comes to mind...

I just think that you, yes YOU miss out on so many of the benefits of friendship because you spend so much time tallying up who did what for who. And if you do things to get more credit -- if you're going to bring them up later and say "I did this for friend X and they didn't do shit for me" then you'd be a lot better off NOT doing anything in the first place. If there is no sincerity in it, it's not a friendly gesture anyway.

[nai]

I had to think long and hard on this one. Hmmm, I wish others had commented so that I wouldn't have to have the feeling that this was simply a comment from someone who feels as if this is a condemnation of them. That being said, this post was not about YOU! Let's get that clear. Ok...so um, this was a post about analyzing one's friendships to weed out those that are probably not healthy for them. This has nothing to do with financial positions or even who called who last. This is about those people in your lives that only show up when they need something. The people who you have dedicated your life to be a friend to, but who never actually reciprocated that same dedication regarding you. It's quite easy to figure out who those people are. Generally, they miss important events in your life or they don't know, understand, or respect your POV. Everything you tell them is news to them, but everything they tell you, you already know - cuz you've taken the time. I don't think I spoke about goals or religion in this post, but, I already know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thanks for the reminder. Now, here's what I think, if you feel as though a post is created to be about you personally, please address that in another forum. You know my email address and you know my numbers. This is a new year and more than anything else, this blog is going to be an avenue to express my thoughts - thoughts that many others may share as well as thoughts that we can agree to disagree on. I always welcome the time taken to express your feelings though...Peace!