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When the Smoke Clears - Relationship Talk

Relationships are interesting because, without proper communication, one can think that they are fulfilling all of their lover’s desires when, in fact, they aren’t. That is to say, the things that we think we do to make our significant others happy may bring them joy, but we may not be truly meeting their ultimate desires. You might find yourself in a situation in which your significant other is fiscally irresponsible – and so, you make a decision to bail them out consistently or to simply provide them with a hold over budget. Now, that’s doing a lot – but, for some people, that’s still not enough. In fact, all we are doing is enabling a horrific habit that can lead to true relationship discord in the future.

Have you ever been in a place in which you thought you did everything to make your lover happy – be that, stepping outside of yourself to conform to their way of thinking; supporting them in a career you didn’t believe they could be successful in (ex: my ex telling me that he’s trying to be a music exec or a music artist, so he won’t get another job because he won’t be able to focus…sorry, I digressed), or even disregarding the advice of thinking friends and family members to be with this person because they make you feel good? When all the smoke clears, and they are no longer a part of your life, do you then begin to look at the tell tale signs?

I thought I did everything in my power to make my ex happy. But, I found out later on that I didn’t. To me, sleepless nights, constant encouragement, and fiscal responsibility was what I thought was needed – and they were. But, what I didn’t do was what made it end. The failure to just say, “ I appreciate and love you” multiple times a day. What’s crazy is that, for an “I love you” some people will give up everything else that you are giving. It’s an important lesson to learn.

Sometimes, we need to let people know that we love them before it’s too late. But, we also need to know when we’ve done too much and the relationship’s end is the best thing.

“There was a time when I was your everything – and everyone else was nothing! Now I’m nothing to you. However, I now realize that it’s not me, but you, who has lost EVERTHING.”

 

When Great Teachers feel Unappreciated

I’ve spent the last month or so praying and crying – but mostly crying. I think this is happening because I finally “let go” and tried to be a shining light in a dark and dingy tunnel. In the past few years, like most educators, I’ve taken from my own personal reserves to have resources in my classroom. I love my kids – even when I hate them, and I want so badly for them to succeed. And, in doing so, I’ve been hard on them because I know that, only the strongest survive in our world. I see their potential and I try to do everything in my power to nurture it. But, I’m beginning to believe that my time is being wasted on people who are quite content with mediocre education in exchange for excessive ego stroking. I’m dealing with parents who are too cowardly to face teachers, but are more than willing to exercise arm wrestling tactics with a weak administration – parents who use taunts and assaults as a means of creating an environment in which their children can feel comfortable about their parents’ wishes for them to be suckled. And, even when they get their wishes, refuse to stop until they have managed to reach for the jugular. And, we wonder why the great ones leave.

After years of bending over backwards to create a system in which I made myself overly accessible to parents and overly accommodating of my students, I was given the word that parents complained that I am mean and unapproachable. To add insult to injury, they went on to explain that the FACT that the students love me is actually a myth – and, in fact, they too are afraid of me. We’re talking about the same kids that I exercised leniency with, the ones I took outside every day, prayed for on a regular basis, and that I encouraged. Those kids – the ones that came from alleged horrible years prior and that I took to Jamestown and Yorktown, Virginia and watched as they behaved like animals on the bus in the presence of their parents and then, as if I didn’t learn my lesson, I turned around and took to Historic Philadelphia where I then raised enough money to take them to a wonderful museum. I guess I just didn’t do enough. Yup, I’m talking about the kids that I sat at school until 6pm every day and helped with homework assignments until their parents came to pick them up – those same kids that I allowed to receive credit for missing homework when my policy clearly states that “I DON’T ACCEPT LATE HOMEWORK”. Those kids! The ones I didn’t even give a lot of homework too; the kids I taught. The kids I fought for. THOSE KIDS! Yup, their scared of me and I’m unapproachable. Me? Yes, me! The teacher that responds to email within a couple hours of receiving it – EVEN WHEN THEY SEND IT TO ME AT 12am. Yup, I’m unapproachable.

It just makes you want to throw your hands up and say two words – one that begins with an expletive and the other one simply, “it”. What more can I do to make them see that I’ve done EVERYTHING a teacher can do? So, we won’t complain about the academics, but now we decide to attack my character? I just wonder how much lower a parent can go? One thing I can say is that when I was in the public school, the parents didn’t care either way. Now, I’m dealing with parents who stick around only to manipulate teachers.

I have a dream for black young people. It stems from my mom’s constant push for us to be the best, recognizing that the world won’t give us breaks. I believe that our children are the best – and I push them to see that in themselves. But, I’m finally realizing that perhaps, I’m better suited for a place where parents understand what it takes to give their children a fighting chance. I respect a person that will say it to my face, but I’ll NEVER respect a parent who uses words and administration to cut down a teacher, but can’t have the BALLS to come to me. You say that I’m unapproachable? I say that you are nothing but a coward who chooses to hide behind a principal who will protect your identity. I hate punks!