When the Smoke Clears - Relationship Talk

Relationships are interesting because, without proper communication, one can think that they are fulfilling all of their lover’s desires when, in fact, they aren’t. That is to say, the things that we think we do to make our significant others happy may bring them joy, but we may not be truly meeting their ultimate desires. You might find yourself in a situation in which your significant other is fiscally irresponsible – and so, you make a decision to bail them out consistently or to simply provide them with a hold over budget. Now, that’s doing a lot – but, for some people, that’s still not enough. In fact, all we are doing is enabling a horrific habit that can lead to true relationship discord in the future.

Have you ever been in a place in which you thought you did everything to make your lover happy – be that, stepping outside of yourself to conform to their way of thinking; supporting them in a career you didn’t believe they could be successful in (ex: my ex telling me that he’s trying to be a music exec or a music artist, so he won’t get another job because he won’t be able to focus…sorry, I digressed), or even disregarding the advice of thinking friends and family members to be with this person because they make you feel good? When all the smoke clears, and they are no longer a part of your life, do you then begin to look at the tell tale signs?

I thought I did everything in my power to make my ex happy. But, I found out later on that I didn’t. To me, sleepless nights, constant encouragement, and fiscal responsibility was what I thought was needed – and they were. But, what I didn’t do was what made it end. The failure to just say, “ I appreciate and love you” multiple times a day. What’s crazy is that, for an “I love you” some people will give up everything else that you are giving. It’s an important lesson to learn.

Sometimes, we need to let people know that we love them before it’s too late. But, we also need to know when we’ve done too much and the relationship’s end is the best thing.

“There was a time when I was your everything – and everyone else was nothing! Now I’m nothing to you. However, I now realize that it’s not me, but you, who has lost EVERTHING.”

 

Comments

[MJ]

Truer words. There are few things in life that hurt as much (besides giving birth...lol) as a failed long-term relationship, lovers or not. Especially when you thought you did everything right or re-arranged your self to accommodate another only to realize that the relationship must end. Letting go is a difficult thing to do, but sometimes holding on is damn near impossible.

[Ms. Smart]

I was once told by a dude I was dating that one of the key components to loving someone else is to show them love in a way they undestand and appreciate.