It’s funny how one
can get caught into the whirlwinds of life. One chance interaction- for even a
small amount of time can send you tail spinning into a semi-charmed kind of
life. It can be euphoric, overwhelming, and mysterious at the same time.
I’m getting too
fragile for chance interactions. I’m growing weary of dealing with the
afterthoughts and ramifications of being in the right place at the wrong time.
I’m just kinda tired of it. I’m tired of having to be dissected and only being
able to give portions of myself to others. At one time, the pieces used to
boomerang back together, but now – they leave and the return is uncertain.
I’m growing
resentful of my capacity to love so wholeheartedly – even when the feeling is
not reciprocated. I hear the loose bolts and feel the bumps and knockings that
exist within. The pain has become strikingly visible to others as I labor to
move without pain. The joke of having a baby face has now become the concern of
the frown lines and bags that indicate sleeplessness.
The weight remains while the appetite has disappeared. In place
of solid food, a liquid diet. Oh, my soul cries out “Bring back the days of yea and nay
When we could
plainly see the way -Then it was up to us to choose
Whether to win or
to lose -Bring back the times when we could see
What it was we
were to be -Caught in the midst of complexity
We search for yea and nay”
I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts, but with
one hand firmly grasping the safety net above. I don’t know how much longer I
can hold on.
Anyone, given an opportunity to get lost in their thoughts
will eventually drown in them if they don’t find a way to climb out of the deep
end. Nights have become unbearable – and days offer their own set of stressors.
I have to find a way to break through this…
Funk!
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